Yesterday I ran the farthest I've ever run. 9 miles. Today my knees are wrecked and I'm wondering how on earth people do this. Learning and doing with all this recent running interest, perhaps I am turning into "one of those" people. Crap. I used to love making fun of the athletic types (no offense).
My route took me up College Station and Riverbend parkway. Deep into the heart of co-Ed territory, I was certain that my natural swagger and wearing two sports bras totally let me pass as an undergrad. That is until a Honda Civic almost took out my knee while I had the light to cross the street. Cell phone chatty little blonde girl got a stern look and a very mom-tastic index finger wag. Yes, that blew my cover. Even sans minivan, I'm not a colleg girl anymore. As for the double sports bra requirement, two kids and a 40 lb weight loss. You fill in the blanks. I'd go on to lend the descriptive phrase PANCAKES. but that would be too much info.
Then came the coup de GRAS. Riverbend Pkwy follows along the backside of the UGA golf course. Gorgeous possible dream homes with more than a few FOR SALE flags a flying. Holy cats, Rob, I have found us the perfect Athens place to live. Wooded and golf-tastic for you, not removed from civilization and oh so fabulous yet unique homes to choose from pour moi. I wanted to squeeee from excited, but didn't have the oxygen requirements. This would be perfect, and I've got the wants. Just sayin'.
To recap, my training run took me from where I was not so long ago, a sweet college gal with perky pre-baby breasties to where I'm heading. A home we would love and grow in for many years in the town that has become our home. My run also took me right back to where we are, our quaint little rental we'll leave in May to start a new Navy adventure in California. I like to pretend we're never leaving Athens. A girl can dream, eh?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone/iPad
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Doing it. Doing it well.
We've move past being able to just handle this deployment. Overwhelmed transitioned to capable within a few weeks.
Then came two flat tires in one week, 7 total ear infections, kicking in the back door when Grace locked Fin inside, having to put our sweet Suzie dog to sleep, a few phone calls to poison control, and a crazy me thinking it was a good idea to run a half marathon (Oct. 23rd, by the way).
Also came a few very dedicated babysitters, family happy hours with great friends, lots of fabulous summer birthday parties, fun & helpful visits from family, help from pals in a moment's notice, wine soaked yarn breaks every Thursday night at the local knitting shop, an amazing 100lbs weight loss (40 of Lilah + 60 of Rob, I'm impressed, feel free to agree), and a crazy me thinking it was a good idea to run a half marathon.
When spelled out like that, it seems like quite a bit of sh*t in the past six months. But, these are also everyday occurances that could happen to anyone in that length of time. They just simply happened to me, and just me to deal with. While always trying steady my stride along this journey, I often felt like a chaotic mess when the bad things happened.
Somehow along the way, I've found my stride. Day to day as a single parent has become the new norm. Recently, the earthy barista-boy at the local coffee shop commented, that as a minivan driving supermom, I was "living the dream." He's right, I am living the dream.
So what if I've learned to cram 3-4 tasks in 45 second increments while heating Fin's food just so? Carrying way more than I could handle at once was bound to result in an injury to my dominant wrist, right? (a surgical repair of this creepy ganglion cyst while Rob is home, stand by). Multitasking and efficiency have become as natural as anticipating when my child is fine or about to fall. A Mother's instinct is finely tuned to the needs of her own children, mine just had to become more acute and purposeful.
Despite mastering how to juggle parenting one-handed (ha, I only meant figuratively), I've learned when to ask for help. This was probably the biggest challenge. Of course I have to do more and go longer, but the breaks and support are still needed. It goes against human nature to ask for assistance, but FINALLY I've realized this is not a sign of weakness or defeat. Just like the training I've been doing, to build strength and endurance you need to give your body the rest it needs in order to recover and build your strongs.
Come October 23rd, I'll be pounding the pavement through the streets of Athens a pokey 12min/mile pace. A crazy me thinking it was a good idea to run a half-marathon. All 13.1 miles of it. With six weeks left until my Rob comes home, I'm already in a dead sprint. Each stride propelling me faster, and my heart threatening to beat out of my chest. I'm not running, I'm flying.
Dear Deployment, I've just made you my bitch.
V/R, Lilah Kalloch
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone/iPad
Then came two flat tires in one week, 7 total ear infections, kicking in the back door when Grace locked Fin inside, having to put our sweet Suzie dog to sleep, a few phone calls to poison control, and a crazy me thinking it was a good idea to run a half marathon (Oct. 23rd, by the way).
Also came a few very dedicated babysitters, family happy hours with great friends, lots of fabulous summer birthday parties, fun & helpful visits from family, help from pals in a moment's notice, wine soaked yarn breaks every Thursday night at the local knitting shop, an amazing 100lbs weight loss (40 of Lilah + 60 of Rob, I'm impressed, feel free to agree), and a crazy me thinking it was a good idea to run a half marathon.
When spelled out like that, it seems like quite a bit of sh*t in the past six months. But, these are also everyday occurances that could happen to anyone in that length of time. They just simply happened to me, and just me to deal with. While always trying steady my stride along this journey, I often felt like a chaotic mess when the bad things happened.
Somehow along the way, I've found my stride. Day to day as a single parent has become the new norm. Recently, the earthy barista-boy at the local coffee shop commented, that as a minivan driving supermom, I was "living the dream." He's right, I am living the dream.
So what if I've learned to cram 3-4 tasks in 45 second increments while heating Fin's food just so? Carrying way more than I could handle at once was bound to result in an injury to my dominant wrist, right? (a surgical repair of this creepy ganglion cyst while Rob is home, stand by). Multitasking and efficiency have become as natural as anticipating when my child is fine or about to fall. A Mother's instinct is finely tuned to the needs of her own children, mine just had to become more acute and purposeful.
Despite mastering how to juggle parenting one-handed (ha, I only meant figuratively), I've learned when to ask for help. This was probably the biggest challenge. Of course I have to do more and go longer, but the breaks and support are still needed. It goes against human nature to ask for assistance, but FINALLY I've realized this is not a sign of weakness or defeat. Just like the training I've been doing, to build strength and endurance you need to give your body the rest it needs in order to recover and build your strongs.
Come October 23rd, I'll be pounding the pavement through the streets of Athens a pokey 12min/mile pace. A crazy me thinking it was a good idea to run a half-marathon. All 13.1 miles of it. With six weeks left until my Rob comes home, I'm already in a dead sprint. Each stride propelling me faster, and my heart threatening to beat out of my chest. I'm not running, I'm flying.
Dear Deployment, I've just made you my bitch.
V/R, Lilah Kalloch
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone/iPad
Friday, September 9, 2011
lots of pressure
Yesterday when my car alerted me to low tire pressure, I stopped and fixed the problem myself. More specifically, I dug out my tire gauge, manually confirmed the low pressure situation, filled the tires with air, & rechecked just be sure. All. By. My. Self.
I'm not ashamed to admit this is the first time I've done this. I'm proud that now I have done it and am capable of not just doing it again in the future, but maybe showing my kids how to take a swing at self-sufficiency as well. May not have been an item to check off my bucket list, but the task was enough self satisfaction to make my morning feel like a win.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I'm not ashamed to admit this is the first time I've done this. I'm proud that now I have done it and am capable of not just doing it again in the future, but maybe showing my kids how to take a swing at self-sufficiency as well. May not have been an item to check off my bucket list, but the task was enough self satisfaction to make my morning feel like a win.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, August 8, 2011
Athens size heartache
I just ran into my doctor at the Y, turns out we have a mutual friend in my knitting pal. Earlier today I took Fin to see his pediatrician, who called twice this weekend to check on him and make sure his fever wasn't cooking his future smarts.
Seems like I can't go anywhere without running into someone I know, and most of the time like. A lot of the circles I've socialized my biznass in intertwine in more ways than I know.
I love this about Athens. It's my babies' hometown. I would adopt it as my own if my own hometown didn't kick so much ass (birthplace of Chester Greenwood, inventor of the earmuffs, for realz).
Dear sweet Athens, when are you going to loosen your grip on my heart??
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Seems like I can't go anywhere without running into someone I know, and most of the time like. A lot of the circles I've socialized my biznass in intertwine in more ways than I know.
I love this about Athens. It's my babies' hometown. I would adopt it as my own if my own hometown didn't kick so much ass (birthplace of Chester Greenwood, inventor of the earmuffs, for realz).
Dear sweet Athens, when are you going to loosen your grip on my heart??
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Fin, here's the you in eustachian tubes
My dear boy Finley at 13 months old is now five for five with ear infections. He's had an ear infection at least each month for the past 5 months. This is absurd considering it is not even cold and flu season. My poor baby with the hurty ears is causing not nearly enough sleep for this Madre.
Next week he is having tubes put in his ears to help drain any fluid that gets trapped behind the ear his ear drums. From what I understand, the immature anatomy of the eustachian tube is straight, and as kids grow, it becomes more angled, like an adult's. Without the angle the fluid does no drainy-drain and bacteria starts breeding like the kids on Teen Mom. Fin gets a fever, doesn't sleep, is uncomfortable/ in pain, and less than enjoyable to be around. (I would say he turns into a pint sized asshole, but a good mother would never say that about her precious child). He needs relief, we all need sleep, and I don't need to get acquainted w/ my pediatrician's weekly life.
The good news is this is a minor procedure and not uncommon.
That helps allay the guilt my wandering thoughts have led me to think I'm somehow at fault. This is normal and has nothing to do with the lack of nutrition he received in utero from Mommy Maximus Vomitus. At least this is what I keep telling myself.
When all my sarcasm is gone, no one's laughing at 3:00am when Finley is screaming in pain and I'm crying right along with him from loneliness & fatigue. The light is at the end of the tunnel, my dear boy. You are going to get some relief. And Mommy is going to get herself some much needed sleep.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Next week he is having tubes put in his ears to help drain any fluid that gets trapped behind the ear his ear drums. From what I understand, the immature anatomy of the eustachian tube is straight, and as kids grow, it becomes more angled, like an adult's. Without the angle the fluid does no drainy-drain and bacteria starts breeding like the kids on Teen Mom. Fin gets a fever, doesn't sleep, is uncomfortable/ in pain, and less than enjoyable to be around. (I would say he turns into a pint sized asshole, but a good mother would never say that about her precious child). He needs relief, we all need sleep, and I don't need to get acquainted w/ my pediatrician's weekly life.
The good news is this is a minor procedure and not uncommon.
That helps allay the guilt my wandering thoughts have led me to think I'm somehow at fault. This is normal and has nothing to do with the lack of nutrition he received in utero from Mommy Maximus Vomitus. At least this is what I keep telling myself.
When all my sarcasm is gone, no one's laughing at 3:00am when Finley is screaming in pain and I'm crying right along with him from loneliness & fatigue. The light is at the end of the tunnel, my dear boy. You are going to get some relief. And Mommy is going to get herself some much needed sleep.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, June 3, 2011
Wine-thirty on a Friday night
I used to love Fridays, now pretty much hate them. My kids are in bed and I'm sitting with a large glass of Pinot Grigio, Housewives New York cued up, and my knitting on deck. I've turned into a bit of a Romona Singer lately with the Pinot obsession. She starts demanding it at any social event, I start pouring the moment my kids are in bed. Barefoot is my go-to brand. It's cheap, accessible, and not too class-less in taste.
Friday is weekend eve. For this family without a daddy, weekends suck a big one. A big part of deployment exhaustion is figuring out what we are going to do EVERY DAY. Balancing enough social time, trying not to burn out, but not too much laid back time to allow the lonely to take over. It's a very fine balance. Finding this balance is exhausting. The weekends prove to be the most challenging. Fortunately I am very lucky and blessed to have friends worth their salt in the friendship category. The kind of pals Hallmark pens their sappy cards about. Generous isn't even the word and the invitation is always present for our trio to join in. Even this is lonely. Sometimes returning home from a gathering with a sea full of daddies just makes the absence more profound and obvious. I love my friends and am beyond grateful for the support and socializing that keeps all of us sane. In a perfect world I would want Rob along with us. We miss him, it is that simple. We miss him when it is just us, we miss him amongst others, we miss him on the weekends, we miss him in the afternoon, skinnamarinky dinky dink, skinnamarinky do...
The wise, fabulous Carrie Bradshaw once remarked, "...the loneliness is palpable." (Depending on the which season, she could have been referring to Big, or Aiden, or a slew of any other tortured actor/musician/poet creative types that paraded through her bed). This must have struck a chord with me because I have always remembered this quote and for the moment rings my truth. The loneliness is palpable. The deployment vacuum that sucked out Rob's presence left a big, persistent pile of lonely in it's wake. No matter the distractions or the fun or all the busy living we are doing, it's always there. Sometimes big, sometimes small, always present. This family has a constant ache for it's missing member.
This deployment, however, is not getting the better of us. We are actually kicking ass and using potties lately. The exhaustion is part of the whole picture. This is a marathon and the hills are part of the terrain. Adrenaline, caffeine, & alcohol are key ingredients that keep me going. Feel free to judge after your first week on this course. Regardless if I'm dragging ass or not, I put on my super-mom cape every morning and give it my best each day. If this ends up a topic on their therapists' couch, at least my children can't claim I didn't try.
The single, solitary reason I am able to do this is because I love my job. The hours are brutal and going it alone requires more push than one might fathom. There is no doubt that I was meant to be this mother. This mother, right here, with these two babies. I may miss my husband, their father, our leader, my friend, but I have also learned to be enough. Someday I hope they will realize I would have moved heaven and earth to be plenty of enough. I love being a mom. I do, I love it. I love being THEIR mom. Sometimes I want to set them out by the curb for recycling with their Toy Story DVDs in the adjoining bin. Other times my heart threatens to explode with all the goodness journey du motherhood brings. My cup overflows, it may be overflowing sticky, messy apple juice or the like, but it is so very very worth it.
Friday is weekend eve. For this family without a daddy, weekends suck a big one. A big part of deployment exhaustion is figuring out what we are going to do EVERY DAY. Balancing enough social time, trying not to burn out, but not too much laid back time to allow the lonely to take over. It's a very fine balance. Finding this balance is exhausting. The weekends prove to be the most challenging. Fortunately I am very lucky and blessed to have friends worth their salt in the friendship category. The kind of pals Hallmark pens their sappy cards about. Generous isn't even the word and the invitation is always present for our trio to join in. Even this is lonely. Sometimes returning home from a gathering with a sea full of daddies just makes the absence more profound and obvious. I love my friends and am beyond grateful for the support and socializing that keeps all of us sane. In a perfect world I would want Rob along with us. We miss him, it is that simple. We miss him when it is just us, we miss him amongst others, we miss him on the weekends, we miss him in the afternoon, skinnamarinky dinky dink, skinnamarinky do...
The wise, fabulous Carrie Bradshaw once remarked, "...the loneliness is palpable." (Depending on the which season, she could have been referring to Big, or Aiden, or a slew of any other tortured actor/musician/poet creative types that paraded through her bed). This must have struck a chord with me because I have always remembered this quote and for the moment rings my truth. The loneliness is palpable. The deployment vacuum that sucked out Rob's presence left a big, persistent pile of lonely in it's wake. No matter the distractions or the fun or all the busy living we are doing, it's always there. Sometimes big, sometimes small, always present. This family has a constant ache for it's missing member.
This deployment, however, is not getting the better of us. We are actually kicking ass and using potties lately. The exhaustion is part of the whole picture. This is a marathon and the hills are part of the terrain. Adrenaline, caffeine, & alcohol are key ingredients that keep me going. Feel free to judge after your first week on this course. Regardless if I'm dragging ass or not, I put on my super-mom cape every morning and give it my best each day. If this ends up a topic on their therapists' couch, at least my children can't claim I didn't try.
The single, solitary reason I am able to do this is because I love my job. The hours are brutal and going it alone requires more push than one might fathom. There is no doubt that I was meant to be this mother. This mother, right here, with these two babies. I may miss my husband, their father, our leader, my friend, but I have also learned to be enough. Someday I hope they will realize I would have moved heaven and earth to be plenty of enough. I love being a mom. I do, I love it. I love being THEIR mom. Sometimes I want to set them out by the curb for recycling with their Toy Story DVDs in the adjoining bin. Other times my heart threatens to explode with all the goodness journey du motherhood brings. My cup overflows, it may be overflowing sticky, messy apple juice or the like, but it is so very very worth it.
Monday, April 25, 2011
kicking ass and passing milestones
The days are incredibly busy. This helps because time is flying right by. The kids are also moving on up the developmental food chain. Especially Fin.
Just yesterday he took his army-crawl up on his knees and motors around ready to take on the world. Or at least eat any crayons Grace has left in her wake. Today I found him STANDING holding on to the coffee table, because apparently he can pull up now. Less than an hour later I handed him a sippy cup with ice water to gum on (lately it's been a mouth full of ouchies with all the teething action). He grabbed it and started drinking away at it. Wahht?! When did my baby figure this out?
Trying to test him, I called his bluff and handed him a snack-trap filled with Cheerios. In the time it took me to drive from our house to Grace's preschool he had already started to maneuver those chubby, dimpled phalanges of his in & out of the cup and then into his mouth. Awesome. Now he can feed and water himself, win. The interior of my car will be sporting more food bits than there are sequins on a drag gown, but this is a price I am willing to pay. Cheerios aren't a choking hazard, are they? The hole in the center must be a built in safety net.
Fin's growing rapidly. I need to take more photographic evidence of his adorable Popeye arms for the baby book. Someday I will cry over all these memories wondering how it all went so fast. But for right now I am the one trying to keep up with the two babies. Keep up, love on, take it all in, and remember this time as best I can for not just me. I am trying to store it all for the two of us.
Just yesterday he took his army-crawl up on his knees and motors around ready to take on the world. Or at least eat any crayons Grace has left in her wake. Today I found him STANDING holding on to the coffee table, because apparently he can pull up now. Less than an hour later I handed him a sippy cup with ice water to gum on (lately it's been a mouth full of ouchies with all the teething action). He grabbed it and started drinking away at it. Wahht?! When did my baby figure this out?
Trying to test him, I called his bluff and handed him a snack-trap filled with Cheerios. In the time it took me to drive from our house to Grace's preschool he had already started to maneuver those chubby, dimpled phalanges of his in & out of the cup and then into his mouth. Awesome. Now he can feed and water himself, win. The interior of my car will be sporting more food bits than there are sequins on a drag gown, but this is a price I am willing to pay. Cheerios aren't a choking hazard, are they? The hole in the center must be a built in safety net.
Fin's growing rapidly. I need to take more photographic evidence of his adorable Popeye arms for the baby book. Someday I will cry over all these memories wondering how it all went so fast. But for right now I am the one trying to keep up with the two babies. Keep up, love on, take it all in, and remember this time as best I can for not just me. I am trying to store it all for the two of us.
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